Why Are There So Many Books Telling Women How To Find Good Men, But None Telling Men How To Treat Women?

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

When I first heard about Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, I was actually excited. I liked Steve Harvey. He’s one of my favorite comedians. I was so set on getting that book and reading what he had to say. I just knew it would be funny and full of wisdom.

But after some thinking and reading, I realized, Hmm…why should a woman have to “think like a man” in order to find a good man? Why can’t she just be herself? How come no one ever tells men to “think like a woman” in order to find a good woman?

At that moment, I realized that there are so many books like this telling women how they should think and act in order to attract and keep men. These books basically tell women that if men don’t respect them, it’s somehow their faults. If men sexually harass or rape them, it’s somehow their faults because of how they were acting or dressing. If men cheat on them, it’s somehow their faults because there must have been something they did to drive him away. Maybe her attitude was bad. Maybe she was nagging too much. Maybe she was giving too much sex or not enough. It’s somehow always the woman’s fault when men are caught doing something they aren’t supposed to do to women.

But when we think on the contrary on the side of men, there aren’t as many books telling men how to treat women at all. There aren’t any books telling men how they should think, dress, and act to attract and keep a woman. There aren’t as many books telling men that women aren’t asking for sexual harassment or rape just because of what she was wearing or how she was acting. There aren’t as many books teaching men self control and that being faithful to a woman is what they’re supposed to do. The things men do to women are usually glossed over or justified.

I believe that these books are nothing but sexist brainwashing. Men don’t want to take responsibility when they cross over women. So, they do and say things like this to put all the blame and pressure on women.

Besides, who is Steve Harvey to tell women how they should be to find a good man? How many wives has he gone through? Didn’t he cheat on one of them? He’s not even the man a woman should want anyway. These are the type of men who are writing these books. Men who cheat on women and don’t treat women very well themselves telling women that it’s them. That’s why they write them. They know the problem is themselves, but they don’t want to accept it.

I highly advise women to never read these types of relationship books. They don’t have women’s best interests in mind and they are all used to keep men from being held accountable for how they treat women and make women think it’s all because of them if men mistreat them.

There are tons of women who do exactly what all these books “advise” them to do and men still have a way to disrespect, cheat on, harass or rape them. That’s why women are always surprised when an extremely beautiful woman or a woman who is supposedly good at sex or has everything men claim they want in a woman still gets cheated on or involved in a bad relationship/marriage.

It’s time we start admitting that it’s not always the woman’s fault when these things happen. Men choose to do these things to women and blame women for it when it gets done.

Respect, trust, and how you treat others is and should be a two way street. There should never be anyone saying one side is more accountable for doing things that warrants respect than the other. If women have to be and act a certain way for them to keep men and gain respect from them, then men should be held accountable to do the same.

The fact that we still have to have conversations like this is proof that sexism is still a huge problem here and we still have a long way to go in fixing it. I find it very sad.

Why Are Women Shamed For Getting Pregnant, But Not The Men Who Get Them Pregnant?

“Who made it into [insert year] without getting pregnant?”

I hear other jokes and statements shaming women who get pregnant everywhere all the time, including on social media. As if women get pregnant by themselves. As if pregnancy isn’t a natural part of life. Where does this shaming come from?

I believe that not only is it a form of misogyny and sexism, it is also a scapegoat for men so they won’t have to take responsibility for getting a woman pregnant or the child after birth.

This has to stop because as I have said in another blog post, men are just as responsible for pregnancy as women are. If you don’t want a child, either don’t have sex or use condoms. Don’t shame a woman for getting pregnant when you were just as willing to lay down as she was.

I am against people having children irresponsibly very much; willingly having unprotected sex knowing they aren’t ready for or don’t want children. But we’re not going to sit here and be hypocritical and one-sided and not hold men to the same accountable standard and act like women have to be more responsible in these situations than men. And we’re not going to use irresponsible pregnancy as an excuse to only shame women, either. Both men and women are equally responsible. It takes two to get pregnant!

The shaming of women for getting pregnant is just downright ridiculous and dumb. Let’s start putting men in check about these things.

My Stance On Abortion 

Abortion is a very old practice that dates back to ancient times. It is the ending of a pregnancy by removing the fetus or embryo from a woman’s body. Abortions can be done with abortion-inducing drugs or surgery. 

Millions of women get abortions every year and for many different reasons. Some including financial, a partner, family member or other people convincing them to get one, bad “timing”, health, already having children, not wanting children at all, and simply not being ready or mature enough, amongst other reasons.

There’s one thing that many of these different reasons have in common. And that thing is they all could’ve been thought of prior to conceiving a child. This is why I am against abortion most of the time. People know what creates a child. They know what their situations and feelings are long ahead of time. They know if they want a child or not. They know what their finances are. They already know if they are mature enough or not. …You get the picture. THEY ALREADY KNOW. When someone already knows something isn’t right for them, yet decides to go through with it anyway, made a poor decision or is just irresponsible.

There are so many different forms of free and natural birth control out here for people to still be having children they don’t want or can’t afford and they are easily accessible. Pregnancy is one of the most avoidable things you can think of. Getting pregnant and then coming up with a reason to terminate the pregnancy later doesn’t make sense to me.

Some of the few abortion instances I actually agree with are the instances where a woman is a victim of incest or rape. I agree with abortion in cases like those because those situations were forced upon her against her will. She didn’t ask to be raped by a family member or some other man. And she certainly wasn’t asking to get pregnant. She didn’t have a say-so in those situations. So, if she chooses to get an abortion in those cases, I can understand.

I can also understand abortion if a woman did use proper birth control, but it failed. Condoms break. Pills and intrauterine devices don’t always work 100% of the time. And an unwanted pregnancy can happen. That is totally understandable.

I can understand health instances, too, where there may be severe complications during pregnancy that force an early pregnancy termination.

However, having consensual sex completely unprotected is a choice and the consequences that come with it are not unknown to anyone (Being “too young” to not know is not an excuse. Many youngsters get the sex ed talk as young as twelve years old, maybe younger).

I remember in one of my high school classes, there was a girl who left the class (for some reason I don’t remember), but left her purse. While she was gone, several other girls went through her purse and pulled things out. (To this very day, I wish I could’ve said or done something to stop it, but I was too afraid to do anything. I don’t remember if the teacher was gone or not. They might’ve been if they weren’t trying to stop it. But anyway…). They found some condoms in her purse and when she came back, they, along with most of the class, laughed and made fun of her for having condoms. These girls were supposedly her “friends”. She handled it well; even laughing along with them. But she said, “Girls are always supposed to have condoms on them.”

And she was right. As many girls that were getting pregnant and talking about abortion in that school, instead of laughing and making jokes, they should’ve been doing what she was doing. 

Women should always have condoms or some other form of birth control on them if they know they are sexually active, but aren’t trying to have kids. This same thing goes for men, too, because it seems like there’s never anyone holding men accountable in these situations and they are just as responsible for a woman getting pregnant at the wrong time as she is herself.

If you don’t want to have a child, either don’t have sex at all until you’re ready to have a child (abstinence) or use the numerous methods of birth control available. It’s time for us as a people to start being more responsible with the decisions we make. That is even more important when it comes to having children! A poor or irresponsible decision in anything negatively affects a child far more than it affects ourselves, whether we notice it or not.