Why Are There So Many Books Telling Women How To Find Good Men, But None Telling Men How To Treat Women?

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

When I first heard about Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, I was actually excited. I liked Steve Harvey. He’s one of my favorite comedians. I was so set on getting that book and reading what he had to say. I just knew it would be funny and full of wisdom.

But after some thinking and reading, I realized, Hmm…why should a woman have to “think like a man” in order to find a good man? Why can’t she just be herself? How come no one ever tells men to “think like a woman” in order to find a good woman?

At that moment, I realized that there are so many books like this telling women how they should think and act in order to attract and keep men. These books basically tell women that if men don’t respect them, it’s somehow their faults. If men sexually harass or rape them, it’s somehow their faults because of how they were acting or dressing. If men cheat on them, it’s somehow their faults because there must have been something they did to drive him away. Maybe her attitude was bad. Maybe she was nagging too much. Maybe she was giving too much sex or not enough. It’s somehow always the woman’s fault when men are caught doing something they aren’t supposed to do to women.

But when we think on the contrary on the side of men, there aren’t as many books telling men how to treat women at all. There aren’t any books telling men how they should think, dress, and act to attract and keep a woman. There aren’t as many books telling men that women aren’t asking for sexual harassment or rape just because of what she was wearing or how she was acting. There aren’t as many books teaching men self control and that being faithful to a woman is what they’re supposed to do. The things men do to women are usually glossed over or justified.

I believe that these books are nothing but sexist brainwashing. Men don’t want to take responsibility when they cross over women. So, they do and say things like this to put all the blame and pressure on women.

Besides, who is Steve Harvey to tell women how they should be to find a good man? How many wives has he gone through? Didn’t he cheat on one of them? He’s not even the man a woman should want anyway. These are the type of men who are writing these books. Men who cheat on women and don’t treat women very well themselves telling women that it’s them. That’s why they write them. They know the problem is themselves, but they don’t want to accept it.

I highly advise women to never read these types of relationship books. They don’t have women’s best interests in mind and they are all used to keep men from being held accountable for how they treat women and make women think it’s all because of them if men mistreat them.

There are tons of women who do exactly what all these books “advise” them to do and men still have a way to disrespect, cheat on, harass or rape them. That’s why women are always surprised when an extremely beautiful woman or a woman who is supposedly good at sex or has everything men claim they want in a woman still gets cheated on or involved in a bad relationship/marriage.

It’s time we start admitting that it’s not always the woman’s fault when these things happen. Men choose to do these things to women and blame women for it when it gets done.

Respect, trust, and how you treat others is and should be a two way street. There should never be anyone saying one side is more accountable for doing things that warrants respect than the other. If women have to be and act a certain way for them to keep men and gain respect from them, then men should be held accountable to do the same.

The fact that we still have to have conversations like this is proof that sexism is still a huge problem here and we still have a long way to go in fixing it. I find it very sad.

NO! Women DON’T Get Passes For Cheating!

“Women should get a pass for cheating.”

I hear this very often whenever a woman is caught cheating. Lots of people, mostly women, would defend the cheating and say women should get passes for it. They usually say this because they claim that men “cheat more than women” or they “do worst things to women”, so it shouldn’t matter if women cheat on them.

Not only is this B.S., it’s also just a way for women to save face when they get caught cheating. Justifying it by throwing men under the bus. Making men look like the bad guys when they’re the ones doing wrong.

Everyone knows cheating is wrong. And everyone knows men get dragged into oblivion when it’s found out that he cheated on a woman. They are identified as dogs, punks, bitches, whatever negative name you can think of.

But women don’t want to deal with that type of backlash when they get caught cheating. They hate when men call them bitches and whores when they get caught cheating, despite how many names they call men for cheating. They want to always look like the good, loyal ones in relationships. If they’re caught cheating, they won’t be able to look like that. So, they come up with stuff like this in order to keep it.

Also, this would make it easier for women to cheat. If everyone thinks men are the worst cheaters, so much to the point where they think women should get a pass when they’re caught, no one would suspect them for cheating.

What bothers me most about this is that sometimes, when the conversation about women cheating is brought up, some people, usually women, like to say that women are “smarter” cheaters than men because they are better at “covering it up”. I remember a conversation way back when I was in middle school where the class was talking about how Shaq’s wife was “smart” for cheating on him with a personal trainer because of the money she would get out of it.

No one ever calls a man smart for cheating on a woman! If a man cheated on a woman to get money out of her or cheated on her for a long time without her finding out, the last thing he will be called is smart!

I feel like that’s just another way for women to soften up their cheating.

I believe this is why I hear so many women defending and encouraging revenge cheating as well. Because even though it’s a waste of time and makes absolutely no sense, it gives women the excuse to cheat while still looking like the innocent ones. They wait for their partner/spouse to cheat first, then they go do it. If she’s cheating because her partner/spouse is cheating on her, she gets a pass! Everyone will sympathize with her.

Cheating is cheating, whether it’s done by a man or woman. NO ONE should get a pass for it. It doesn’t matter if other people are cheating on their partners or if one of their partners cheat on them. There’s NEVER an excuse for cheating! When women cheat, they are the same lying, cheating, unappreciative, backstabbing person they claim men are when men cheat.

This hypocrisy has to stop!

Why Are Women Shamed For Getting Pregnant, But Not The Men Who Get Them Pregnant?

“Who made it into [insert year] without getting pregnant?”

I hear other jokes and statements shaming women who get pregnant everywhere all the time, including on social media. As if women get pregnant by themselves. As if pregnancy isn’t a natural part of life. Where does this shaming come from?

I believe that not only is it a form of misogyny and sexism, it is also a scapegoat for men so they won’t have to take responsibility for getting a woman pregnant or the child after birth.

This has to stop because as I have said in another blog post, men are just as responsible for pregnancy as women are. If you don’t want a child, either don’t have sex or use condoms. Don’t shame a woman for getting pregnant when you were just as willing to lay down as she was.

I am against people having children irresponsibly very much; willingly having unprotected sex knowing they aren’t ready for or don’t want children. But we’re not going to sit here and be hypocritical and one-sided and not hold men to the same accountable standard and act like women have to be more responsible in these situations than men. And we’re not going to use irresponsible pregnancy as an excuse to only shame women, either. Both men and women are equally responsible. It takes two to get pregnant!

The shaming of women for getting pregnant is just downright ridiculous and dumb. Let’s start putting men in check about these things.

Women Tricking Men Into Getting Them Pregnant 

I remember one day seeing a clip from Wendy Williams’ talk show where a woman wanted to have another child after having one child and her husband promised they would have two, but he changed his mind. Wendy told her to go behind the man’s back and trick him into impregnating her. And, of course, she used the “my body, my choice” mantra to back herself up. I can’t stand to see her give advice on her show anymore after seeing that.

This is one of the reasons why I don’t like the “my body, my choice” mantra. In a lot of cases, women use it to prevent being held responsible and accountable in certain situations they know they are wrong in, such as this one.

I’ve heard many stories, not just this one, of women trying to trick men into getting them pregnant for various reasons and various ways. I’ve heard women trick men into getting them pregnant to get them to stay in relationships and marriages, to put them on child support for money, or to simply control them and they do it by lying about being on birth control (like this woman on Wendy’s show wanted to do), sabotaging condoms by poking holes into them without the man’s knowledge, and using the condom during sex, but later inserting the sperm into themselves, amongst other disgusting, evil things.

When it comes to having children, women shouldn’t be the only ones who have a say-so in the matter. A man should have just as much to say as the woman because it takes him for her to get pregnant in the first place! Pregnancy should be something that both the man and the woman should be on the same page about because having a child is a much bigger responsibility than we think and it should take BOTH parents to deal with it and I don’t think a lot of people take it as seriously as they should.

Women tend to forget that men should have an equal say-so when it comes to pregnancy because they feel that since they’re carrying the baby and they give birth to the baby, they should be the only ones to make the decisions about whether or not to have one. It kind of sounds like arrogance to me. The child doesn’t only belong to the woman and the woman never gets pregnant by herself. The child belongs to the man, too. 

Things like this should be illegal and women should be seriously punished for doing something like this. Anybody who thinks this is okay is a very sad and sick individual. And if you have to go behind someone’s back and do something without their knowledge, then you already know that what you’re doing is wrong.

It’s just sad that this society devalues men’s opinions and feelings on pregnancy so much that they allow women to do things like this and even encourage it. 

Tricking men into getting pregnant will open a lot of doors to bad things. It could open doors to trust issues, forced abortions, and abuse (to the woman and the child because a man might be so angry that he will resort to abusing the woman and he might abuse or neglect the child because he didn’t want the child anyway; he shouldn’t do that, but it can happen), amongst other things.

There’s just nothing anybody can say to justify this and make it sound okay and acceptable. It’s not. Any woman who does this or agrees and condones other women to do it should be ashamed!

A Woman Should Never Put Her Hands On A Man

I know this sounds weird because we’re used to hearing it the other way around: “A man should never put his hands on a woman“, but I’m starting to see more and more women hitting men for reasons that don’t have to involve violence at all and justifying it. That has to stop!

I see on television all the time that they make it acceptable, and even funny, for women to hit men. I’ve seen many episodes of the Bernie Mac Show, for example, which featured Jordan getting hit by girls, whether they were his sisters or other girls elsewhere and the situations were always made to look funny. When it’s boys hitting girls or men hitting women, it’s rarely ever made to look funny or acceptable on TV shows. Because they show girls hitting boys in many TV shows and cartoons that are geared towards children or involve children, it proves that the media starts sending this message that it’s okay for women to hit men when they are children.

I get so tired of watching WWE and seeing a woman get away with slapping a man just because he said something she didn’t like or because she has the power to do anything she wants. 

I’ve seen music videos, too, where women were either hitting men or depicting themselves as if they killed a man, like Jhené Aiko’s “The Worst” video or Nicki Minaj’s “Lookin’ Ass Niggas” video, where she’s shooting guns at and around men. There are tons of other TV shows, movies, songs, videos, and many other media sources that send this message that it’s okay for women to hit, throw objects at, use weapons against, and even kill men and get away with it. 

We can’t keep saying, “It’s just TV” or “It’s just a movie” whenever we see these things on screen. We don’t realize exactly how powerful messages from the media are in our society. It’s NOT just a movie! It’s NOT just a TV show! It’s NOT just a video! Whether we want to believe or accept it or not, the media shapes a very great deal of our reality in this society, from the way we think to the way we dress. 

I’m thinking that the reason why it is shown that it’s okay for women to hit men like this in the first place is due to the history of sexism in this country. I believe there was a time where men abused women and because of the belief that women were “not equal” to men at that time, there was nothing women could do or say about it. But now, in recent times, things have changed and women CAN do and say something about men hitting them and probably see it as payback for all the years men have gotten away with doing it.

Another thing I’m thinking is that women want to feel like they are just as strong or stronger than men because of the upheld belief that men are stronger than women. Women want to prove that wrong. Women are always trying to prove that they can do anything a man can do. If they feel that they can hurt a man by hitting him or beat him up in a fight, it can probably prove to them that they are. But if a man hits them back, it probably reminds them that they’re not, which is where the backlash against the man comes from. I’ve even seen women try to provoke or dare men to hit them. That has to stop as well. If a man hitting a woman is wrong, a woman shouldn’t be trying to provoke or dare a man to hit her. I believe women do that because they know that if men actually do hit them back after doing it that it will be the men who get in trouble or get shamed and not them.

Lots of women think that hitting men because they said something out of the way to them or because they cheated on them are justifiable reasons to get away with it. But when it’s the woman saying something out of the way to a man or it’s the woman cheating on the man, the man can’t go and hit her or destroy her property (that’s another thing women do to men and try to justify it). He is told to “just walk away”. Pretty much telling him to “just deal with it”. If men have to “just walk away” in situations like these, women should do so as well. These are not situations that need to be resolved with violence or property destruction. And since she’s an adult, she should be able to handle her emotions MUCH better than that. 

Because of this idea that it’s okay for women to hit men, many of the cases in where the woman is being violent to the man will and have been overlooked and even excused. It is believed that because a man is “stronger” than a woman, he shouldn’t allow her to hit him and should have ways to stop it. If it does happen, then it’s either his fault or he “deserved” it and she was “defending herself”. Men are teased and shamed a lot for getting “beat up by a girl”. They are looked at as “soft” and “weak” if a woman hits them or beats them up. That’s one main reason why we need to stop laughing and making this joke whenever a woman hits a man like it’s funny. It’s NOT funny! And now that I’m thinking about it, that could very well be psychological warfare or some type of mental programming to make us more complacent with violence against men by women. If we think it’s funny, then we’ll sit back and laugh instead of doing something about it. This upheld belief causes people to not take violence against men by women seriously, which, in turn, causes a lot of cases to go unreported. And unreported cases will make it look like it’s not happening as much or as frequently as it actually is.

We have to stop using this lame excuse that because men are “stronger” than women that it’s okay for women to hit them and get away with it. If we believe men are “stronger” than women, why would we encourage women to fight men anyway? Men being “stronger” than a woman is not a very good reason to justify hitting men at all.

Women shouldn’t hit men unless they are defending themselves against men who are physically attacking or trying to harm them. Women shouldn’t hit men and men shouldn’t hit women. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Let’s stop making it one-sided. Instead of saying, “A man should never put his hands on a woman” or “A woman should never put her hands on a man”, let’s say what we were all taught when we first started going to school. And that is, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF! If we make it one-sided, the other side (in this case, women) will think that the rule doesn’t apply to them. NO ONE should put their hands on ANYONE! Don’t hit someone, then play victim when you get hit back! I’m so sick and tired of people doing that!


My Stance On Abortion 

Abortion is a very old practice that dates back to ancient times. It is the ending of a pregnancy by removing the fetus or embryo from a woman’s body. Abortions can be done with abortion-inducing drugs or surgery. 

Millions of women get abortions every year and for many different reasons. Some including financial, a partner, family member or other people convincing them to get one, bad “timing”, health, already having children, not wanting children at all, and simply not being ready or mature enough, amongst other reasons.

There’s one thing that many of these different reasons have in common. And that thing is they all could’ve been thought of prior to conceiving a child. This is why I am against abortion most of the time. People know what creates a child. They know what their situations and feelings are long ahead of time. They know if they want a child or not. They know what their finances are. They already know if they are mature enough or not. …You get the picture. THEY ALREADY KNOW. When someone already knows something isn’t right for them, yet decides to go through with it anyway, made a poor decision or is just irresponsible.

There are so many different forms of free and natural birth control out here for people to still be having children they don’t want or can’t afford and they are easily accessible. Pregnancy is one of the most avoidable things you can think of. Getting pregnant and then coming up with a reason to terminate the pregnancy later doesn’t make sense to me.

Some of the few abortion instances I actually agree with are the instances where a woman is a victim of incest or rape. I agree with abortion in cases like those because those situations were forced upon her against her will. She didn’t ask to be raped by a family member or some other man. And she certainly wasn’t asking to get pregnant. She didn’t have a say-so in those situations. So, if she chooses to get an abortion in those cases, I can understand.

I can also understand abortion if a woman did use proper birth control, but it failed. Condoms break. Pills and intrauterine devices don’t always work 100% of the time. And an unwanted pregnancy can happen. That is totally understandable.

I can understand health instances, too, where there may be severe complications during pregnancy that force an early pregnancy termination.

However, having consensual sex completely unprotected is a choice and the consequences that come with it are not unknown to anyone (Being “too young” to not know is not an excuse. Many youngsters get the sex ed talk as young as twelve years old, maybe younger).

I remember in one of my high school classes, there was a girl who left the class (for some reason I don’t remember), but left her purse. While she was gone, several other girls went through her purse and pulled things out. (To this very day, I wish I could’ve said or done something to stop it, but I was too afraid to do anything. I don’t remember if the teacher was gone or not. They might’ve been if they weren’t trying to stop it. But anyway…). They found some condoms in her purse and when she came back, they, along with most of the class, laughed and made fun of her for having condoms. These girls were supposedly her “friends”. She handled it well; even laughing along with them. But she said, “Girls are always supposed to have condoms on them.”

And she was right. As many girls that were getting pregnant and talking about abortion in that school, instead of laughing and making jokes, they should’ve been doing what she was doing. 

Women should always have condoms or some other form of birth control on them if they know they are sexually active, but aren’t trying to have kids. This same thing goes for men, too, because it seems like there’s never anyone holding men accountable in these situations and they are just as responsible for a woman getting pregnant at the wrong time as she is herself.

If you don’t want to have a child, either don’t have sex at all until you’re ready to have a child (abstinence) or use the numerous methods of birth control available. It’s time for us as a people to start being more responsible with the decisions we make. That is even more important when it comes to having children! A poor or irresponsible decision in anything negatively affects a child far more than it affects ourselves, whether we notice it or not.