Why I’m Not Excited About The First Black Bachelorette 

Rachel Lindsay is the first black bachelorette for season 14 of ABC’s show, The Bachelorette. Lots of people are very happy that The Bachelorette is finally a black woman. But, unfortunately for me, I’m not as excited as other people are about it. 

And I’m not excited about it for two reasons. The first being the fact that it took this long to cast one in the first place. The Bachelorette has been aired on ABC for FOURTEEN YEARS! It shouldn’t have taken that long to cast a black one if they really wanted to cast one. 

Also, I now realize that there is no reason to be upset that certain groups of people (in this case, black people) aren’t included in a show, movie, or whathaveyou because it is their show. They are supposed to cast their own people or whoever they want. Every other racial group that has TV shows, movies, etc., casts their own people and do it without a problem. It’s time for us black people to start doing the same and stop worrying about if and when white people will cast us in something they created. 

The second reason is because she will most likely end up choosing a white man. Most (if not all; my brother used to tune in and watch it. I never did, but he would tell me what was going on. And he only watched it because he’s a wrestling fan and one of the black contestants was a professional wrestler. After he was eliminated and there was only one black man left in the show, my brother stopped watching it and telling me about it. So, I don’t know if the last black man has been eliminated or not) of the black men have been eliminated. And my brother told me about how one of the black men on the show said that she hasn’t had any one-on-one’s with any of the black men, but she had them with plenty of the white men on the show.

I knew when I first saw her that she would be more likely to choose a white man. First, because she’s on ABC, a white owned network. Second, she’s on The Bachelorette, a white created show, with a bunch of white men. More white men than black. Plus, something just looked off about her. She gave me a weird vibe. Something about her made me think she would more likely choose a man that wasn’t black.

Now, I’m not against interracial dating. What I’m not happy about is that very few, if any, of the white Bachelors and Bachelorettes on the shows have chosen to be with a nonwhite contestant, especially a black one. But the one and first black Bachelorette we have has to be more likely to choose a nonblack contestant? That just doesn’t sit well with me. 

I had this same reaction with Disney’s movie, The Princess and The Frog. After all these years Disney has been around making movies and all these princesses they have created and they are finally creating a black one? And she, too, was with a nonblack man in the movie. How many of the white Disney princesses were with black men? Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

I find it odd that after years upon years of not casting someone black on a show, they finally do and they put them with someone who isn’t black, most likely a white person. That just doesn’t feel right to me at all. Something is very wrong with that. 

I feel that instead of us being happy that a white show finally casted a black person on their show after years upon years of being on air, we should stop waiting for them to cast us in their shows and create and be happy with our own shows. Let’s stop waiting on white people! No other group of people wait on other people to create something for them and neither should we!

Should The Size of An Engagement/Wedding Ring Matter?

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

I remember we were talking about the sizes of wedding rings in one of my classes when I was in middle school. The rest of the class were saying the size of a wedding ring does matter and you shouldn’t have a small ring. The teacher didn’t agree. They eventually turned to me and asked me my opinion on whether it matters. I said it didn’t. The whole class disagreed and asked me why (Now that I’m thinking about it, I think many of them disagreed only because I said it didn’t matter. Many of my classmates in middle school disagreed with me a lot because they loved the idea of me being wrong about something, being that I was considered the “smart” one). I didn’t really know why it didn’t matter. I just felt like it didn’t matter. So I just said, “Well, because the ring doesn’t matter.”

The teacher was very happy that we shared the same opinion on it, but the class was in total disagreement. They thought that the bigger the ring, the better it is. Now that I look back on this story, I do wonder why the size of rings matter and do they actually matter. 

After some thinking, I think I still hold the same opinion that ring size doesn’t matter, but now, I can explain why, unlike when I was in middle school. The size of an engagement/wedding ring doesn’t matter because what should really matter is that person’s love for you. 

I believe the only reason we believe engagement/wedding ring sizes matter is because we are a very materialistic and “keeping-up-with-the-Jones’s” society. We love showing off and giving value to materialistic things that don’t have any real value just to impress other people.

And now that I’m thinking about it, I do agree with my middle school mindset also that the ring itself doesn’t really matter, either. A ring doesn’t really express someone’s feelings about another person. Even though having a ring is nice, it doesn’t really represent feelings at all. Love is something that can’t be fully expressed with physical, material things because it’s not physical or material. Just because you have or don’t have a ring doesn’t mean a person loves or cares about you less. A ring being big or small doesn’t mean that, either. A person’s actions towards someone else and how they treat them is what really shows someone’s love for another person, not what they can buy.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an engagement/wedding ring. I just think this society puts more value to it than it needs to have and not enough value into what actually does matter.

Women Tricking Men Into Getting Them Pregnant 

I remember one day seeing a clip from Wendy Williams’ talk show where a woman wanted to have another child after having one child and her husband promised they would have two, but he changed his mind. Wendy told her to go behind the man’s back and trick him into impregnating her. And, of course, she used the “my body, my choice” mantra to back herself up. I can’t stand to see her give advice on her show anymore after seeing that.

This is one of the reasons why I don’t like the “my body, my choice” mantra. In a lot of cases, women use it to prevent being held responsible and accountable in certain situations they know they are wrong in, such as this one.

I’ve heard many stories, not just this one, of women trying to trick men into getting them pregnant for various reasons and various ways. I’ve heard women trick men into getting them pregnant to get them to stay in relationships and marriages, to put them on child support for money, or to simply control them and they do it by lying about being on birth control (like this woman on Wendy’s show wanted to do), sabotaging condoms by poking holes into them without the man’s knowledge, and using the condom during sex, but later inserting the sperm into themselves, amongst other disgusting, evil things.

When it comes to having children, women shouldn’t be the only ones who have a say-so in the matter. A man should have just as much to say as the woman because it takes him for her to get pregnant in the first place! Pregnancy should be something that both the man and the woman should be on the same page about because having a child is a much bigger responsibility than we think and it should take BOTH parents to deal with it and I don’t think a lot of people take it as seriously as they should.

Women tend to forget that men should have an equal say-so when it comes to pregnancy because they feel that since they’re carrying the baby and they give birth to the baby, they should be the only ones to make the decisions about whether or not to have one. It kind of sounds like arrogance to me. The child doesn’t only belong to the woman and the woman never gets pregnant by herself. The child belongs to the man, too. 

Things like this should be illegal and women should be seriously punished for doing something like this. Anybody who thinks this is okay is a very sad and sick individual. And if you have to go behind someone’s back and do something without their knowledge, then you already know that what you’re doing is wrong.

It’s just sad that this society devalues men’s opinions and feelings on pregnancy so much that they allow women to do things like this and even encourage it. 

Tricking men into getting pregnant will open a lot of doors to bad things. It could open doors to trust issues, forced abortions, and abuse (to the woman and the child because a man might be so angry that he will resort to abusing the woman and he might abuse or neglect the child because he didn’t want the child anyway; he shouldn’t do that, but it can happen), amongst other things.

There’s just nothing anybody can say to justify this and make it sound okay and acceptable. It’s not. Any woman who does this or agrees and condones other women to do it should be ashamed!

Revenge Cheating Is A Waste Of Time

Photo: Flickr

Many people, especially women, think that the best way to deal with someone cheating on them is to cheat on them back. But I feel that not only is that stupid, it’s a serious waste of your time. I know cheating hurts, especially if it’s from someone you truly loved and cared about and never did anything wrong to them, but the best way to deal with that is to either forgive them (if you want to take them back and continue the relationship and try to fix it) or leave and find someone that will be faithful to you and give you the love you deserve.

“Revenge cheating” is stupid and a waste of time because if you do take this person back that cheated on you just to cheat on them, you shouldn’t have taken them back. When you take someone back after doing you wrong, it’s supposed to mean that you forgive them and want to give them another chance. Taking someone back to “revenge cheat” on them won’t solve anything. It’ll just create an endless cycle of cheating because you’ll be cheating on them and they’ll be cheating on you. And seriously, what’s the point in staying in a relationship that’s like that in the first place? That relationship is already dead and clearly neither one of you are trying to get together and fix it. Why are you still there?

And if you can find someone to go cheat on someone with for “revenge”, you’re clearly with someone who also doesn’t really care about you because if they did, you would actually be in a relationship with them or leave the cheater for that person, not just be with them for sex.

And if you go into a new relationship and cheat on that person when they did nothing to you just because the other person cheated on you is even dumber. In your head, you think you’re hurting the person who cheated on you and hurt you by doing that, but in reality, you are only hurting yourself and you’re trying to rid yourself of that hurt by sleeping with other people and all you’re doing is ruining a relationship that was just fine.

I saw an episode of Steve Wilkos years ago where there was a couple on there and the woman said something along the lines of, “I’m the type that if you cheat on me, I will cheat on you a lot.” And the woman went on to tell the story about how her man cheated on her and because of that, she went and slept with numerous men. They continued to stay together, but all they were doing was cheating on each other the whole time. Like, really, how does this make ANY type of sense?!

That segment is what made me think of this post because, sadly, people really think this is a justifiable way of dealing with cheating and relationship problems when all it’s doing is making things worst!

There is absolutely NO excuse for cheating. NONE AT ALL! This is why when people try to explain it and soften it up, it never makes sense. Cheating is wrong, whether it’s for revenge or simply just you not being able to control your urges and function properly for a relationship. If your relationship is at the point where you feel like cheating is the answer, you need to end that relationship and FAST!

A Woman Should Never Put Her Hands On A Man

I know this sounds weird because we’re used to hearing it the other way around: “A man should never put his hands on a woman“, but I’m starting to see more and more women hitting men for reasons that don’t have to involve violence at all and justifying it. That has to stop!

I see on television all the time that they make it acceptable, and even funny, for women to hit men. I’ve seen many episodes of the Bernie Mac Show, for example, which featured Jordan getting hit by girls, whether they were his sisters or other girls elsewhere and the situations were always made to look funny. When it’s boys hitting girls or men hitting women, it’s rarely ever made to look funny or acceptable on TV shows. Because they show girls hitting boys in many TV shows and cartoons that are geared towards children or involve children, it proves that the media starts sending this message that it’s okay for women to hit men when they are children.

I get so tired of watching WWE and seeing a woman get away with slapping a man just because he said something she didn’t like or because she has the power to do anything she wants (I know it’s just WWE, but still).

I’ve seen music videos, too, where women were either hitting men or depicting themselves as if they killed a man, like Jhené Aiko’s “The Worst” video or Nicki Minaj’s “Lookin’ Ass Niggas” video, where she’s shooting guns at and around men. There are tons of other TV shows, movies, songs, videos, and many other media sources that send this message that it’s okay for women to hit, throw objects at, use weapons against, and even kill men and get away with it.

We can’t keep saying, “It’s just TV” or “It’s just a movie” whenever we see these things on screen. We don’t realize exactly how powerful messages from the media are in our society. It’s NOT just a movie! It’s NOT just a TV show! It’s NOT just a video! Whether we want to believe or accept it or not, the media shapes a very great deal of our reality in this society, from the way we think to the way we dress.

I’m thinking that the reason why it is shown that it’s okay for women to hit men like this in the first place is due to the history of sexism in this country. I believe there was a time where men abused women and because of the belief that women were “not equal” to men at that time, there was nothing women could do or say about it. But now, in recent times, things have changed and women CAN do and say something about men hitting them and probably see it as payback for all the years men have gotten away with doing it.

Another thing I’m thinking is that women want to feel like they are just as strong or stronger than men because of the upheld belief that men are stronger than women. Women want to prove that wrong. Women are always trying to prove that they can do anything a man can do. If they feel that they can hurt a man by hitting him or beat him up in a fight, it can probably prove to them that they are. But if a man hits them back, it probably reminds them that they’re not, which is where the backlash against the man comes from. I’ve even seen women try to provoke or dare men to hit them. That has to stop as well. If a man hitting a woman is wrong, a woman shouldn’t be trying to provoke or dare a man to hit her. I believe women do that because they know that if men actually do hit them back after doing it that it will be the men who get in trouble or get shamed and not them.

Lots of women think that hitting men because they said something out of the way to them or because they cheated on them are justifiable reasons to get away with it. But when it’s the woman saying something out of the way to a man or it’s the woman cheating on the man, the man can’t go and hit her or destroy her property (that’s another thing women do to men and try to justify it). He is told to “just walk away”. Pretty much telling him to “just deal with it”. If men have to “just walk away” in situations like these, women should do so as well. These are not situations that need to be resolved with violence or property destruction. And since she’s an adult, she should be able to handle her emotions MUCH better than that.

Because of this idea that it’s okay for women to hit men, many of the cases in where the woman is being violent to the man will and have been overlooked and even excused. It is believed that because a man is “stronger” than a woman, he shouldn’t allow her to hit him and should have ways to stop it. If it does happen, then it’s either his fault or he “deserved” it and she was “defending herself”. Men are teased and shamed a lot for getting “beat up by a girl”. They are looked at as “soft” and “weak” if a woman hits them or beats them up. That’s one main reason why we need to stop laughing and making this joke whenever a woman hits a man like it’s funny. It’s NOT funny! And now that I’m thinking about it, that could very well be psychological warfare or some type of mental programming to make us more complacent with violence against men by women. If we think it’s funny, then we’ll sit back and laugh instead of doing something about it. This upheld belief causes people to not take violence against men by women seriously, which, in turn, causes a lot of cases to go unreported. And unreported cases will make it look like it’s not happening as much or as frequently as it actually is.

We have to stop using this lame excuse that because men are “stronger” than women that it’s okay for women to hit them and get away with it. If we believe men are “stronger” than women, why would we encourage women to fight men anyway? Men being “stronger” than a woman is not a very good reason to justify hitting men at all.

Women shouldn’t hit men unless they are defending themselves against men who are physically attacking or trying to harm them. Women shouldn’t hit men and men shouldn’t hit women. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Let’s stop making it one-sided. Instead of saying, “A man should never put his hands on a woman” or “A woman should never put her hands on a man”, let’s say what we were all taught when we first started going to school. And that is, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF! If we make it one-sided, the other side (in this case, women) will think that the rule doesn’t apply to them. NO ONE should put their hands on ANYONE! Don’t hit someone, then play victim when you get hit back! I’m so sick and tired of people doing that!