Why Are Women Shamed For Getting Pregnant, But Not The Men Who Get Them Pregnant?

“Who made it into [insert year] without getting pregnant?”

I hear other jokes and statements shaming women who get pregnant everywhere all the time, including on social media. As if women get pregnant by themselves. As if pregnancy isn’t a natural part of life. Where does this shaming come from?

I believe that not only is it a form of misogyny and sexism, it is also a scapegoat for men so they won’t have to take responsibility for getting a woman pregnant or the child after birth.

This has to stop because as I have said in another blog post, men are just as responsible for pregnancy as women are. If you don’t want a child, either don’t have sex or use condoms. Don’t shame a woman for getting pregnant when you were just as willing to lay down as she was.

I am against people having children irresponsibly very much; willingly having unprotected sex knowing they aren’t ready for or don’t want children. But we’re not going to sit here and be hypocritical and one-sided and not hold men to the same accountable standard and act like women have to be more responsible in these situations than men. And we’re not going to use irresponsible pregnancy as an excuse to only shame women, either. Both men and women are equally responsible. It takes two to get pregnant!

The shaming of women for getting pregnant is just downright ridiculous and dumb. Let’s start putting men in check about these things.

Revenge Cheating Is A Waste Of Time

Photo: Flickr

Many people, especially women, think that the best way to deal with someone cheating on them is to cheat on them back. But I feel that not only is that stupid, it’s a serious waste of your time. I know cheating hurts, especially if it’s from someone you truly loved and cared about and never did anything wrong to them, but the best way to deal with that is to either forgive them (if you want to take them back and continue the relationship and try to fix it) or leave and find someone that will be faithful to you and give you the love you deserve. 

“Revenge cheating” is stupid and a waste of time because if you do take this person back that cheated on you just to cheat on them, you shouldn’t have taken them back. When you take someone back after doing you wrong, it’s supposed to mean that you forgive them and want to give them another chance. Taking someone back to “revenge cheat” on them won’t solve anything. It’ll just create an endless cycle of cheating because you’ll be cheating on them and they’ll be cheating on you. And seriously, what’s the point in staying in a relationship that’s like that in the first place? That relationship is already dead and clearly neither one of you are trying to get together and fix it. Why are you still there?

And if you can find someone to go cheat on someone with for “revenge”, you’re clearly with someone who also doesn’t really care about you because if they did, you would actually be in a relationship with them or leave the cheater for that person, not just be with them for sex.

And if you go into a new relationship and cheat on that person when they did nothing to you just because the other person cheated on you is even dumber. In your head, you think you’re hurting the person who cheated on you and hurt you by doing that, but in reality, you are only hurting yourself and you’re trying to rid yourself of that hurt by sleeping with other people and all you’re doing is ruining a relationship that was just fine.

I saw an episode of Steve Wilkos years ago where there was a couple on there and the woman said something along the lines of, “I’m the type that if you cheat on me, I will cheat on you a lot.” And the woman went on to tell the story about how her man cheated on her and because of that, she went and slept with numerous men. They continued to stay together, but all they were doing was cheating on each other the whole time. Like, really, how does this make ANY type of sense?!

That segment is what made me think of this post because, sadly, people really think this is a justifiable way of dealing with cheating and relationship problems when all it’s doing is making things worst!

There is absolutely NO excuse for cheating. NONE AT ALL! This is why when people try to explain it and soften it up, it never makes sense. Cheating is wrong, whether it’s for revenge or simply just you not being able to control your urges and function properly for a relationship. If your relationship is at the point where you feel like cheating is the answer, you need to end that relationship and FAST!

A Woman Should Never Put Her Hands On A Man

I know this sounds weird because we’re used to hearing it the other way around: “A man should never put his hands on a woman“, but I’m starting to see more and more women hitting men for reasons that don’t have to involve violence at all and justifying it. That has to stop!

I see on television all the time that they make it acceptable, and even funny, for women to hit men. I’ve seen many episodes of the Bernie Mac Show, for example, which featured Jordan getting hit by girls, whether they were his sisters or other girls elsewhere and the situations were always made to look funny. When it’s boys hitting girls or men hitting women, it’s rarely ever made to look funny or acceptable on TV shows. Because they show girls hitting boys in many TV shows and cartoons that are geared towards children or involve children, it proves that the media starts sending this message that it’s okay for women to hit men when they are children.

I get so tired of watching WWE and seeing a woman get away with slapping a man just because he said something she didn’t like or because she has the power to do anything she wants. 

I’ve seen music videos, too, where women were either hitting men or depicting themselves as if they killed a man, like Jhené Aiko’s “The Worst” video or Nicki Minaj’s “Lookin’ Ass Niggas” video, where she’s shooting guns at and around men. There are tons of other TV shows, movies, songs, videos, and many other media sources that send this message that it’s okay for women to hit, throw objects at, use weapons against, and even kill men and get away with it. 

We can’t keep saying, “It’s just TV” or “It’s just a movie” whenever we see these things on screen. We don’t realize exactly how powerful messages from the media are in our society. It’s NOT just a movie! It’s NOT just a TV show! It’s NOT just a video! Whether we want to believe or accept it or not, the media shapes a very great deal of our reality in this society, from the way we think to the way we dress. 

I’m thinking that the reason why it is shown that it’s okay for women to hit men like this in the first place is due to the history of sexism in this country. I believe there was a time where men abused women and because of the belief that women were “not equal” to men at that time, there was nothing women could do or say about it. But now, in recent times, things have changed and women CAN do and say something about men hitting them and probably see it as payback for all the years men have gotten away with doing it.

Another thing I’m thinking is that women want to feel like they are just as strong or stronger than men because of the upheld belief that men are stronger than women. Women want to prove that wrong. Women are always trying to prove that they can do anything a man can do. If they feel that they can hurt a man by hitting him or beat him up in a fight, it can probably prove to them that they are. But if a man hits them back, it probably reminds them that they’re not, which is where the backlash against the man comes from. I’ve even seen women try to provoke or dare men to hit them. That has to stop as well. If a man hitting a woman is wrong, a woman shouldn’t be trying to provoke or dare a man to hit her. I believe women do that because they know that if men actually do hit them back after doing it that it will be the men who get in trouble or get shamed and not them.

Lots of women think that hitting men because they said something out of the way to them or because they cheated on them are justifiable reasons to get away with it. But when it’s the woman saying something out of the way to a man or it’s the woman cheating on the man, the man can’t go and hit her or destroy her property (that’s another thing women do to men and try to justify it). He is told to “just walk away”. Pretty much telling him to “just deal with it”. If men have to “just walk away” in situations like these, women should do so as well. These are not situations that need to be resolved with violence or property destruction. And since she’s an adult, she should be able to handle her emotions MUCH better than that. 

Because of this idea that it’s okay for women to hit men, many of the cases in where the woman is being violent to the man will and have been overlooked and even excused. It is believed that because a man is “stronger” than a woman, he shouldn’t allow her to hit him and should have ways to stop it. If it does happen, then it’s either his fault or he “deserved” it and she was “defending herself”. Men are teased and shamed a lot for getting “beat up by a girl”. They are looked at as “soft” and “weak” if a woman hits them or beats them up. That’s one main reason why we need to stop laughing and making this joke whenever a woman hits a man like it’s funny. It’s NOT funny! And now that I’m thinking about it, that could very well be psychological warfare or some type of mental programming to make us more complacent with violence against men by women. If we think it’s funny, then we’ll sit back and laugh instead of doing something about it. This upheld belief causes people to not take violence against men by women seriously, which, in turn, causes a lot of cases to go unreported. And unreported cases will make it look like it’s not happening as much or as frequently as it actually is.

We have to stop using this lame excuse that because men are “stronger” than women that it’s okay for women to hit them and get away with it. If we believe men are “stronger” than women, why would we encourage women to fight men anyway? Men being “stronger” than a woman is not a very good reason to justify hitting men at all.

Women shouldn’t hit men unless they are defending themselves against men who are physically attacking or trying to harm them. Women shouldn’t hit men and men shouldn’t hit women. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Let’s stop making it one-sided. Instead of saying, “A man should never put his hands on a woman” or “A woman should never put her hands on a man”, let’s say what we were all taught when we first started going to school. And that is, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF! If we make it one-sided, the other side (in this case, women) will think that the rule doesn’t apply to them. NO ONE should put their hands on ANYONE! Don’t hit someone, then play victim when you get hit back! I’m so sick and tired of people doing that!


Billboard Charts & Grammys Mean Nothing 

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

A lot of people tend to think that having chart topping singles and a boatload of Grammys is the end all, be all for a musician’s success and that if they don’t have any, it must mean their music is bad and they “aren’t working hard enough”. Well, I’m here to say that being #1 on Billboard and winning Grammys doesn’t mean anything.

How many songs have we heard throughout the years that were DOWNRIGHT TERRIBLE, yet they’re still the #1 songs on Billboard, and we can name a million other songs that are way better and deserve that #1 spot much more than those songs; or how many people were nominated for or won Grammys for terrible or mediocre songs when we can name a billion other people who deserve the award more than anybody nominated and they aren’t nominated at all?

Billboard only measures the popularity and sales of a song. And as we all should know, popularity and sales doesn’t always mean a song is good. And the main chart, the Hot 100 or Hot 200, only counts a few hundred songs and albums. There are WAY more songs and albums in the U.S. alone than just a couple hundred. And since the charts can’t fit more than 200 songs or albums, not every song and album can be featured on the charts and definitely not every song or album can be #1 or even in the Top 40. There are millions of songs out there. It’s ridiculous to only believe that the songs on Billboard are the only songs that are good and the only songs that people should listen to.

The Grammys are no different. There’s only so many artists that can be nominated in each category of the Grammys and only one out of all those people can win. As a matter of fact, about only 5 musicians can be nominated in a given category. There are currently 83 categories, and not every musician is qualified in these categories. And when you compare these numbers to exactly how many artists are out here making music, whether we know them or not, we can clearly see that these numbers are not only ridiculously miniscule, it’s unfair! Not everybody can win a Grammy and not everybody can be nominated. 

Both the Grammys and the Billboard Hot 100 chart were created in the 1950’s. Both things have only been around for a few decades when music itself has been around for centuries, thousands and thousands of years, even. Why all of sudden does a song or musician need to have either of these before we consider them good? 

These things are not given to these people due to their talent alone. I guarantee you that talent is the absolute LAST thing these people think about when it comes to Billboard charting and Grammys. Nobody wins Grammys or have chart topping singles due to their talent alone.

We can listen to songs and artists OURSELVES and form OUR OWN opinions about whether or not they are good. We don’t need Billboard, Grammys, or any other award show to tell us who’s good and who isn’t. They are not and SHOULD NOT be the only things that can measure how good an artist is. Considering the actual history of music, these things can’t even realistically measure it at all. This same thing applies to YouTube views as well. People use those as well to determine how good an artist is and they, too, mean nothing. They are more useless and worthless than awards and charts are.

Having a Grammy or Billboard singles doesn’t mean one artist is better than another. Having high views on a video doesn’t mean that an artist has the best song on the Internet. It doesn’t mean one artist “isn’t working hard enough” because they don’t have an award, charting single, or high YouTube views. It doesn’t mean an artist is good or bad. It doesn’t mean anything. I really wish people would stop acting like it does.

The Oversexualization of Women’s Bodies 

Photo: Wikimedia Commons


I often wonder why so many people freak out whenever they see certain female body parts. I notice that many people have a lot to say when a woman is naked or dressed in revealing or tight clothing. I thought about the tribal women of some other countries who are naked or nearly naked most of the time. I feel like a lot of people don’t react to them the same way they react to women who are naked or dressed in revealing clothing here in America. Why is that? What is the difference between those women’s bodies and American women’s bodies? 

I believe so many people freak out about women’s naked bodies today because women’s bodies are extremely sexualized in this society. Many of those tribal women from other countries aren’t portrayed in that same manner. We are constantly bombarded with overly sexualized images of women’s bodies on the daily basis, whether it’s through strip clubs, pornography, magazines, TV shows, movies, or advertisements. They are all around us. Women’s bodies are depicted as something that is only used for sex or sexual satisfaction. So, when someone sees a woman’s body, that’s exactly what they think. They think sex and start freaking out. 

Women’s bodies are even sexualized long before they’re even adults. It starts when they’re little girls. I remember a picture I saw on Twitter where someone was calling out people who were commenting on a picture of Skai Jackson, saying things like, “Where’s her ass?” I’m thinking, she’s thirteen! Why are you worried about her body?! And I’m pretty sure a lot of those derogatory comments about her body were from grown men and that makes it even more disgusting! (Even if they weren’t grown men, that still doesn’t make it any better that her body is still being judged at such a young age.) I also remember looking at comments on Willow Smith’s “Fireball” video featuring Nicki Minaj, where people were wondering “where her curves were” because she was dressed in a body suit, and comparing her body to Nicki Minaj’s and wondering why her body “didn’t look like Nicki’s”. Willow Smith was eleven years old, I believe, at the time. So, not only were people comparing a little girl’s body to a grown woman’s, they compared her to a woman’s body that isn’t even realistic, being that we all know Nicki Minaj’s body has been surgically enhanced. And Nicki Minaj is even oversexualized herself, as we see how she is portayed on a regular basis! I also remember the comments geared towards Maddie Ziegler, the little girl dancing in Sia’s “Chandelier” video. The pedophilic comments coming from grown people just because she was in a body suit utterly disgusted me. Whether they were jokes or not doesn’t matter because even if they were, the fact that people think making pedophilic jokes about children is funny should tell everyone that there is something really wrong with this society! Everything isn’t a joke! Even shows like Toddlers & Tiaras look like they oversexualize little girls. The little girls are wearing makeup and dressed in over the top dresses and put on display for their looks when most of the girls on these shows are barely any older than ten years old. I also remember being in one of my seventh grade classes and the boys were comparing the sizes of the girls’ breasts in the class to the sizes of different fruits. I don’t think any girl in the class were older than thirteen or fourteen years old at the time. There are many other stories like this of people, young and old alike, talking about young girls’ bodies this way. It is disgusting and something should be done about it!

The oversexualization of women’s bodies is so bad that women are even shunned for using their breasts for what they are actually supposed to be used for. How many stories have we heard over the years of women being shamed or kicked out of places for breastfeeding?

All I want to know is, why is this happening? Why is this society so bent on sexualizing women’s bodies to the point where they begin targeting little girls? Why is it still being allowed or accepted, as a matter of fact?

I believe women’s bodies are being sexualized in this manner because this society is built on sexism. Women have been the victims of sexism for many, many centuries. We’re still looking at the residue and after effects of when sexist tensions were at its highest; when women couldn’t work certain jobs, when women couldn’t vote, when women couldn’t make the same wages as men on the same job, etc. We’re still looking at that and it hasn’t gone away.

Because I think the oversexualization of women’s bodies comes from a centuries-long battle with sexism in this society, I believe they’re trying to send a message saying, “Women are good for nothing more than sex and their bodies. And that’s all they should be used for”. And they start sending this message before they’re even teenagers.

A woman’s body is a natural thing and it should be viewed and accepted as such. No one should freak out just because they see a woman naked or dressed in clothes that reveal some skin. We have been conditioned to react to women’s bodies this way. It’s time to break away from that conditioning!

Thick vs. Slim

I’ve seen a lot of posts titled “Thick vs. Slim” all over social media, comparing women with slim bodies to women with “thick” bodies. I don’t like it. In my observations, it seems like not only does it open the door to body shaming women of both sizes (because someone who prefers one size might talk negatively about the other size), it causes a divide because it’s like having men choose which body frame is “better” and can cause women to compete, and maybe look down on each other, for this praise.

It can make women feel insecure about their bodies, no matter what size they are. And it can also make women feel like their bodies are for men to judge and they are not. Women come in many different sizes and they should not be put against each other. 

I remember one picture about “Thick vs. Slim” that stood out to me most on Facebook. The top half of the picture featured thick black women (even though they were more obese than thick because they were well beyond thick) and the bottom half featured white or nonblack slim women.

I found it odd that the thick black women in the picture were way more sexualized than the slim women. They were nearly naked, dressed in very revealing lingerie (at least that what it looked like), and posed over each other in a very seductive manner. The nonblack women were just dressed in half top shirts and short skirts and were not overly sexualized. It looked like a normal picture a group of friends would take with each other.

It looked like the photo was set up like that on purpose to tip the scale further in the thick black women’s favor and looked like the message of the photo was saying the only way big black women can look as good or better than nonblack thin women is if they’re overly sexualized or simply, big black women look better than thin white or nonblack women. I didn’t like the picture at all (I can’t find the picture anymore to share it here. It would be better if I could).

I believe the “Thick vs. Slim” debates should be done away with. Women’s body sizes and shapes should not be put against each other. They should all be celebrated and accepted and it shouldn’t be made into a debate or competition in order to do it.