I caught D.L. Hughley’s radio show one day and the topic was, ‘Who hurts a child more, a scorned mother or an abandoning father?’ I don’t remember what any of the callers’ answers were on the show, but to me, it seems like this question is trying to shift blame from one parent to the other, so one parent will feel like they aren’t hurting the child more than the other.
A scorned mother and an abandoning father BOTH equally hurt a child. If it takes two people to make a child, it should take two people to raise a child.
A scorned mother can hurt a child by mistreating or abusing the child just because he or she reminds her of the father. They can also use the child as a tool to get back at the father for hurting them. They can do this by keeping the child away from the father when the father wants to see them or pushing the child onto the father when he wants nothing to do with the child. And they can speak badly about the child’s father and other men in general in front of them, which causes them to have anger, trust, and/or identity issues.
An abandoning father can make a child feel like it’s their fault that their father is no longer in their lives. They can make a child feel rejected and neglected, therefore lowering their self-esteem, and they can feel hostile and aggressive. They can develop a disdain for other men and male authority figures, which can cause them many problems as they grow up. The abandoning father can make their child feel the same emotional and behavioral problems as a scorned mother.
Both of these types of parents can cause behavioral and emotional problems that the child will carry with them well into adulthood. Both fathers and mothers have to step up to the plate and do a better job as parents because many times, lots of parents don’t realize the damage that their actions and choices are giving to their children. We have to stop trying to shift blame and trying to make one person feel more guilty for something when we’re ALL guilty.
A mother should never speak badly about their child’s father in front of them, never mistreat the child for what the father did, and never try to use the child as a tool to get back at the father. The same goes for fathers. And a father should always be involved in their children’s lives. If things don’t work out with the mother in a relationship, they should not make that child suffer by completely severing the relationship with them. There are ways a child can see both parents without the parents being involved with each other. A child should always have equal time around their parents, whether they’re still together or not.
People need to stop having children and doing this to them. It’s extremely damaging and unfair to them.