Why Are There So Many Books Telling Women How To Find Good Men, But None Telling Men How To Treat Women?

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

When I first heard about Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, I was actually excited. I liked Steve Harvey. He’s one of my favorite comedians. I was so set on getting that book and reading what he had to say. I just knew it would be funny and full of wisdom.

But after some thinking and reading, I realized, Hmm…why should a woman have to “think like a man” in order to find a good man? Why can’t she just be herself? How come no one ever tells men to “think like a woman” in order to find a good woman?

At that moment, I realized that there are so many books like this telling women how they should think and act in order to attract and keep men. These books basically tell women that if men don’t respect them, it’s somehow their faults. If men sexually harass or rape them, it’s somehow their faults because of how they were acting or dressing. If men cheat on them, it’s somehow their faults because there must have been something they did to drive him away. Maybe her attitude was bad. Maybe she was nagging too much. Maybe she was giving too much sex or not enough. It’s somehow always the woman’s fault when men are caught doing something they aren’t supposed to do to women.

But when we think on the contrary on the side of men, there aren’t as many books telling men how to treat women at all. There aren’t any books telling men how they should think, dress, and act to attract and keep a woman. There aren’t as many books telling men that women aren’t asking for sexual harassment or rape just because of what she was wearing or how she was acting. There aren’t as many books teaching men self control and that being faithful to a woman is what they’re supposed to do. The things men do to women are usually glossed over or justified.

I believe that these books are nothing but sexist brainwashing. Men don’t want to take responsibility when they cross over women. So, they do and say things like this to put all the blame and pressure on women.

Besides, who is Steve Harvey to tell women how they should be to find a good man? How many wives has he gone through? Didn’t he cheat on one of them? He’s not even the man a woman should want anyway. These are the type of men who are writing these books. Men who cheat on women and don’t treat women very well themselves telling women that it’s them. That’s why they write them. They know the problem is themselves, but they don’t want to accept it.

I highly advise women to never read these types of relationship books. They don’t have women’s best interests in mind and they are all used to keep men from being held accountable for how they treat women and make women think it’s all because of them if men mistreat them.

There are tons of women who do exactly what all these books “advise” them to do and men still have a way to disrespect, cheat on, harass or rape them. That’s why women are always surprised when an extremely beautiful woman or a woman who is supposedly good at sex or has everything men claim they want in a woman still gets cheated on or involved in a bad relationship/marriage.

It’s time we start admitting that it’s not always the woman’s fault when these things happen. Men choose to do these things to women and blame women for it when it gets done.

Respect, trust, and how you treat others is and should be a two way street. There should never be anyone saying one side is more accountable for doing things that warrants respect than the other. If women have to be and act a certain way for them to keep men and gain respect from them, then men should be held accountable to do the same.

The fact that we still have to have conversations like this is proof that sexism is still a huge problem here and we still have a long way to go in fixing it. I find it very sad.

White Pride Is Stronger Than Black Pride!

People may not like everything that Tommy Sotomayor says, but this video can NOT be debated or denied. Everything he said is true. Black people, we have to be better than this! This type of stuff is the reason why Rachel Dolezal was able to pull the stunt she pulled with black people. It’s time to wake up, black people, PLEASE!

NO! Women DON’T Get Passes For Cheating!

“Women should get a pass for cheating.”

I hear this very often whenever a woman is caught cheating. Lots of people, mostly women, would defend the cheating and say women should get passes for it. They usually say this because they claim that men “cheat more than women” or they “do worst things to women”, so it shouldn’t matter if women cheat on them.

Not only is this B.S., it’s also just a way for women to save face when they get caught cheating. Justifying it by throwing men under the bus. Making men look like the bad guys when they’re the ones doing wrong.

Everyone knows cheating is wrong. And everyone knows men get dragged into oblivion when it’s found out that he cheated on a woman. They are identified as dogs, punks, bitches, whatever negative name you can think of.

But women don’t want to deal with that type of backlash when they get caught cheating. They hate when men call them bitches and whores when they get caught cheating, despite how many names they call men for cheating. They want to always look like the good, loyal ones in relationships. If they’re caught cheating, they won’t be able to look like that. So, they come up with stuff like this in order to keep it.

Also, this would make it easier for women to cheat. If everyone thinks men are the worst cheaters, so much to the point where they think women should get a pass when they’re caught, no one would suspect them for cheating.

Cheating is cheating, whether it’s done by a man or woman. NO ONE should get a pass for it. It doesn’t matter if other people are cheating on their partners or if one of their partners cheat on them. There’s NEVER an excuse for cheating! When women cheat, they are the same lying, cheating, unappreciative, backstabbing person they claim men are when men cheat.

This hypocrisy has to stop!

Why Are Women Shamed For Getting Pregnant, But Not The Men Who Get Them Pregnant?

“Who made it into [insert year] without getting pregnant?”

I hear other jokes and statements shaming women who get pregnant everywhere all the time, including on social media. As if women get pregnant by themselves. As if pregnancy isn’t a natural part of life. Where does this shaming come from?

I believe that not only is it a form of misogyny and sexism, it is also a scapegoat for men so they won’t have to take responsibility for getting a woman pregnant or the child after birth.

This has to stop because as I have said in another blog post, men are just as responsible for pregnancy as women are. If you don’t want a child, either don’t have sex or use condoms. Don’t shame a woman for getting pregnant when you were just as willing to lay down as she was.

I am against people having children irresponsibly very much; willingly having unprotected sex knowing they aren’t ready for or don’t want children. But we’re not going to sit here and be hypocritical and one-sided and not hold men to the same accountable standard and act like women have to be more responsible in these situations than men. And we’re not going to use irresponsible pregnancy as an excuse to only shame women, either. Both men and women are equally responsible. It takes two to get pregnant!

The shaming of women for getting pregnant is just downright ridiculous and dumb. Let’s start putting men in check about these things.

Mixed People Are NOT Black!

Many people are offended whenever someone says this. I’ve watched several videos and read several articles that spoke about this and the amount of people being upset about it always appalled me. It is true. Mixed people are not black.

I remember people in my family proudly talking about the “one-drop rule” like it was a good thing, like it’s something to be proud of; “anybody that’s mixed with the smallest percentage of black is completely black”. I didn’t think anything of it when I was younger. But now that I’m older and I hear people saying, “One drop makes you whole”, it just sounds ridiculous. One drop of nothing in the world makes anything whole. Why does it have to be when it comes to black people?

If we think about history and read just a few history books, we all will see that mixed people were never considered full black until racist white people created the one-drop rule during slavery. They were always referred to as something else before then; coloreds, mulattoes, etc. (And now that I think about it, they actually still are. Even though we call them black, we still call them mixed). If they are black, we wouldn’t feel the need to call them something else.

Racist white people came up with the rule because they wanted to keep their race pure and hide that they were sleeping with and raping slave women. Also, of course, because they didn’t want to claim anything that has black in it as belonging to them. We were “beneath” them, according to them.

When we continue accepting this rule, we are accepting racism, white supremacy, and an old slave rule. It’s not slavery days anymore. It’s time to stop holding on to these old slave rules that were basically forced on us.

I always hear black people getting upset whenever a mixed person chooses to identify as mixed instead of black (like Tiger Woods, for example) and say, “It doesn’t matter what you identify as! When the white man catches you in the streets, you’re black!” And people think this is something good when they say this. So, whatever a racist white man says goes? We have to accept them as black because they say so? Of course, they will say you’re black. They’re the ones who came up with the rule! But it doesn’t make it true. Racist white people have imposed many rules on black people that were actually lies and things used to keep us from advancing all throughout history and this one-drop rule is one of them. Besides, if anyone says this, it means that they know the person is right by not identifying as just black, but they think because white people say otherwise, it “doesn’t matter”.

I believe that the reason black people hold onto this rule is because they can use mixed people to get what they want out of a society that gives nothing to black people. Then, once black people can no longer use them for their benefit, that’s when they accept that mixed people are not black.

For example, if we claim mixed people as black, we get the most dominant golf player in the league (Tiger Woods). If we claim mixed people as black, we get one of the most powerful and dominant singers in America (Beyoncé). If we claim mixed people as black, we get one of the most dominant and successful wrestlers in WWE history and a very successful actor (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson). If we claim mixed people as black, we have the first black president of the United States (Barack Obama). And so on and so forth.

When black people feel like these mixed people are taking things away from them, like privileges and platforms (movie roles, awards, magazine covers, simple praises, etc.) that actual black people should have, that’s when they will start noticing that these people are mixed instead of black. But the thing is, these people have always been mixed. You can’t wait until they start taking things from you to notice it.

I also believe black people accept mixed people as black because they live through mixed people. Black people know that mixed people are placed on a pedestal in their communities and get praised for everything. Black people want that for themselves. So, they accept mixed people as black to feel like they have all that, too. A lot of black people, sadly, don’t want to be black and are very quick to claim that they’re mixed, especially if they are mixed, but it doesn’t look obvious. Whether we admit it, know it, or not, a lot of black people have very little pride in being who they are. The actions of many black people and the things we say about each other prove it. And that comes from many years of oppression and colonialism.

Mixed people accept being called black and identify as black because society tells them to and if they don’t, they get shamed and it shouldn’t be like that. I also believe they identify as black because they are full aware of the privileges they get from being mixed amongst black people and they don’t want to give that up.

I have absolutely nothing against mixed people. I just don’t think they are black and should identify as black. They are not black historically and they are not black in reality. I think they should identify as what they actually are. Biracial or multiracial.

The Racial Draft

The “Racial Draft” started as a comedy sketch on Chappelle’s Show by Dave Chappelle. It was about trading people of different races to other races and identifying as those races instead. Now, today, black people use it to jokingly “trade” other black people that they consider traitors to their race or simply just doesn’t like for other races of people they believe would benefit the race better. 
Although it’s supposed to be a fun joke, I think we should stop telling it. How many other races of people are telling this joke, saying they would trade their people for our people? I think a lot of times we say things without realizing what we actually are saying. 

I’m sure other races of people have people within their race that they hate, but we will never hear them talk about trading them for us, joke or not. Nobody wants to claim our racial identity. They may steal our culture, but they will never identify as us. Even if we are claiming to “trade” the people who we claim to be sellouts, why trade them with someone of a different race? Why can’t we trade them with other, more productive black people?

I feel like the “racial draft” is our way of trying to get other races of people to accept us because deep down, we feel like other races of people don’t accept us. And we want other races of people to accept us so badly that we are willing to give up our own people for them. I think we have to be much better than this. We are notorious for letting outsiders identify as us. Having other races of people identify as us will leave us wide open for infiltration. 

We consider jokes like these harmless and funny, but they pretty much aren’t. They are really conditioning us to accept anybody as black. It’s time for us to stop this. Let’s stop giving other races passes to be us when they never do the same for us!

Our New Pledge of Allegiance 

It doesn’t get more truer than this, black folks! We really do need our own pledge of allegiance that fits our needs, as well as many other things of our own. We’ve been sharing everything with every other race for far too long. It’s time to do and build for ourselves, like everyone else does. This wonderful post by diaryofanegress is spot on! 

http://wp.me/p2pU76-1ZG