Why Are Women Shamed For Getting Pregnant, But Not The Men Who Get Them Pregnant?

“Who made it into [insert year] without getting pregnant?”

I hear other jokes and statements shaming women who get pregnant everywhere all the time, including on social media. As if women get pregnant by themselves. As if pregnancy isn’t a natural part of life. Where does this shaming come from?

I believe that not only is it a form of misogyny and sexism, it is also a scapegoat for men so they won’t have to take responsibility for getting a woman pregnant or the child after birth.

This has to stop because as I have said in another blog post, men are just as responsible for pregnancy as women are. If you don’t want a child, either don’t have sex or use condoms. Don’t shame a woman for getting pregnant when you were just as willing to lay down as she was.

I am against people having children irresponsibly very much; willingly having unprotected sex knowing they aren’t ready for or don’t want children. But we’re not going to sit here and be hypocritical and one-sided and not hold men to the same accountable standard and act like women have to be more responsible in these situations than men. And we’re not going to use irresponsible pregnancy as an excuse to only shame women, either. Both men and women are equally responsible. It takes two to get pregnant!

The shaming of women for getting pregnant is just downright ridiculous and dumb. Let’s start putting men in check about these things.

Mixed People Are NOT Black!

Many people are offended whenever someone says this. I’ve watched several videos and read several articles that spoke about this and the amount of people being upset about it always appalled me. It is true. Mixed people are not black.

I remember people in my family proudly talking about the “one-drop rule” like it was a good thing, like it’s something to be proud of; “anybody that’s mixed with the smallest percentage of black is completely black”. I didn’t think anything of it when I was younger. But now that I’m older and I hear people saying, “One drop makes you whole”, it just sounds ridiculous. One drop of nothing in the world makes anything whole. Why does it have to be when it comes to black people?

If we think about history and read just a few history books, we all will see that mixed people were never considered full black until racist white people created the one-drop rule during slavery. They were always referred to as something else before then; coloreds, mulattoes, etc. (And now that I think about it, they actually still are. Even though we call them black, we still call them mixed). If they are black, we wouldn’t feel the need to call them something else.

Racist white people came up with the rule because they wanted to keep their race pure and hide that they were sleeping with and raping slave women. Also, of course, because they didn’t want to claim anything that has black in it as belonging to them. We were “beneath” them, according to them.

When we continue accepting this rule, we are accepting racism, white supremacy, and an old slave rule. It’s not slavery days anymore. It’s time to stop holding on to these old slave rules that were basically forced on us.

I always hear black people getting upset whenever a mixed person chooses to identify as mixed instead of black (like Tiger Woods, for example) and say, “It doesn’t matter what you identify as! When the white man catches you in the streets, you’re black!” And people think this is something good when they say this. So, whatever a racist man says goes? We have to accept them as black because they say so? Of course, they will say you’re black. They’re the ones who came up with the rule! But it doesn’t make it true. Racist white people have imposed many rules on black people that were actually lies and things used to keep us from advancing all throughout history and this one-drop rule is one of them. Besides, if anyone says this, it means that they know the person is right by not identifying as just black, but they think because white people say otherwise, it “doesn’t matter”.

I believe that the reason black people hold onto this rule is because they can use mixed people to get what they want out of a society that gives nothing to black people. Then, once black people can no longer use them for their benefit, that’s when they accept that mixed people are not black.

For example, if we claim mixed people as black, we get the most dominant golf player in the league (Tiger Woods). If we claim mixed people as black, we get one of the most powerful and dominant singers in America (Beyoncé). If we claim mixed people as black, we get one of the most dominant and successful wrestlers in WWE history and a very successful actor (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson). If we claim mixed people as black, we have the first black president of the United States (Barack Obama). And so on and so forth.

When black people feel like these mixed people are taking things away from them, like privileges and platforms (movie roles, awards, magazine covers, simple praises, etc.) that actual black people should have, that’s when they will start noticing that these people are mixed instead of black. But the thing is, these people have always been mixed. You can’t wait until they start taking things from you to notice it.

I also believe black people accept mixed people as black because they live through mixed people. Black people know that mixed people are placed on a pedestal in their communities and get praised for everything. Black people want that for themselves. So, they accept mixed people as black to feel like they have all that, too. A lot of black people, sadly, don’t want to be black and are very quick to claim that they’re mixed, especially if they are mixed, but it doesn’t look obvious. Whether we admit it, know it, or not, black people have very little pride in being who they are. Our actions and the things we say about each other prove it. And that comes from many years of oppression and colonialism.

Mixed people accept being called black and identify as black because society tells them to and if they don’t, they get shamed and it shouldn’t be like that. I also believe they identify as black because they are full aware of the privileges they get from being mixed amongst black people and they don’t want to give that up.

I have absolutely nothing against mixed people. I just don’t think they are black and should identify as black. They are not black historically and they are not black in reality. I think they should identify as what they actually are. Biracial or multiracial.

The Racial Draft

The “Racial Draft” started as a comedy sketch on Chappelle’s Show by Dave Chappelle. It was about trading people of different races to other races and identifying as those races instead. Now, today, black people use it to jokingly “trade” other black people that they consider traitors to their race or simply just doesn’t like for other races of people they believe would benefit the race better. 
Although it’s supposed to be a fun joke, I think we should stop telling it. How many other races of people are telling this joke, saying they would trade their people for our people? I think a lot of times we say things without realizing what we actually are saying. 

I’m sure other races of people have people within their race that they hate, but we will never hear them talk about trading them for us, joke or not. Nobody wants to claim our racial identity. They may steal our culture, but they will never identify as us. Even if we are claiming to “trade” the people who we claim to be sellouts, why trade them with someone of a different race? Why can’t we trade them with other, more productive black people?

I feel like the “racial draft” is our way of trying to get other races of people to accept us because deep down, we feel like other races of people don’t accept us. And we want other races of people to accept us so badly that we are willing to give up our own people for them. I think we have to be much better than this. We are notorious for letting outsiders identify as us. Having other races of people identify as us will leave us wide open for infiltration. 

We consider jokes like these harmless and funny, but they pretty much aren’t. They are really conditioning us to accept anybody as black. It’s time for us to stop this. Let’s stop giving other races passes to be us when they never do the same for us!

Our New Pledge of Allegiance 

It doesn’t get more truer than this, black folks! We really do need our own pledge of allegiance that fits our needs, as well as many other things of our own. We’ve been sharing everything with every other race for far too long. It’s time to do and build for ourselves, like everyone else does. This wonderful post by diaryofanegress is spot on! 

http://wp.me/p2pU76-1ZG

Why I’m Not Excited About The First Black Bachelorette 

Rachel Lindsay is the first black bachelorette for season 14 of ABC’s show, The Bachelorette. Lots of people are very happy that The Bachelorette is finally a black woman. But, unfortunately for me, I’m not as excited as other people are about it. 

And I’m not excited about it for two reasons. The first being the fact that it took this long to cast one in the first place. The Bachelorette has been aired on ABC for FOURTEEN YEARS! It shouldn’t have taken that long to cast a black one if they really wanted to cast one. 

Also, I now realize that there is no reason to be upset that certain groups of people (in this case, black people) aren’t included in a show, movie, or whathaveyou because it is their show. They are supposed to cast their own people or whoever they want. Every other racial group that has TV shows, movies, etc., casts their own people and do it without a problem. It’s time for us black people to start doing the same and stop worrying about if and when white people will cast us in something they created. 

The second reason is because she will most likely end up choosing a white man. Most (if not all; my brother used to tune in and watch it. I never did, but he would tell me what was going on. And he only watched it because he’s a wrestling fan and one of the black contestants was a professional wrestler. After he was eliminated and there was only one black man left in the show, my brother stopped watching it and telling me about it. So, I don’t know if the last black man has been eliminated or not) of the black men have been eliminated. And my brother told me about how one of the black men on the show said that she hasn’t had any one-on-one’s with any of the black men, but she had them with plenty of the white men on the show.

I knew when I first saw her that she would be more likely to choose a white man. First, because she’s on ABC, a white owned network. Second, she’s on The Bachelorette, a white created show, with a bunch of white men. More white men than black. Plus, something just looked off about her. She gave me a weird vibe. Something about her made me think she would more likely choose a man that wasn’t black.

Now, I’m not against interracial dating. What I’m not happy about is that very few, if any, of the white Bachelors and Bachelorettes on the shows have chosen to be with a nonwhite contestant, especially a black one. But the one and first black Bachelorette we have has to be more likely to choose a nonblack contestant? That just doesn’t sit well with me. 

I had this same reaction with Disney’s movie, The Princess and The Frog. After all these years Disney has been around making movies and all these princesses they have created and they are finally creating a black one? And she, too, was with a nonblack man in the movie. How many of the white Disney princesses were with black men? Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

I find it odd that after years upon years of not casting someone black on a show, they finally do and they put them with someone who isn’t black, most likely a white person. That just doesn’t feel right to me at all. Something is very wrong with that. 

I feel that instead of us being happy that a white show finally casted a black person on their show after years upon years of being on air, we should stop waiting for them to cast us in their shows and create and be happy with our own shows. Let’s stop waiting on white people! No other group of people wait on other people to create something for them and neither should we!

Should The Size of An Engagement/Wedding Ring Matter?

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

I remember we were talking about the sizes of wedding rings in one of my classes when I was in middle school. The rest of the class were saying the size of a wedding ring does matter and you shouldn’t have a small ring. The teacher didn’t agree. They eventually turned to me and asked me my opinion on whether it matters. I said it didn’t. The whole class disagreed and asked me why (Now that I’m thinking about it, I think many of them disagreed only because I said it didn’t matter. Many of my classmates in middle school disagreed with me a lot because they loved the idea of me being wrong about something, being that I was considered the “smart” one). I didn’t really know why it didn’t matter. I just felt like it didn’t matter. So I just said, “Well, because the ring doesn’t matter.”

The teacher was very happy that we shared the same opinion on it, but the class was in total disagreement. They thought that the bigger the ring, the better it is. Now that I look back on this story, I do wonder why the size of rings matter and do they actually matter. 

After some thinking, I think I still hold the same opinion that ring size doesn’t matter, but now, I can explain why, unlike when I was in middle school. The size of an engagement/wedding ring doesn’t matter because what should really matter is that person’s love for you. 

I believe the only reason we believe engagement/wedding ring sizes matter is because we are a very materialistic and “keeping-up-with-the-Jones’s” society. We love showing off and giving value to materialistic things that don’t have any real value just to impress other people.

And now that I’m thinking about it, I do agree with my middle school mindset also that the ring itself doesn’t really matter, either. A ring doesn’t really express someone’s feelings about another person. Even though having a ring is nice, it doesn’t really represent feelings at all. Love is something that can’t be fully expressed with physical, material things because it’s not physical or material. Just because you have or don’t have a ring doesn’t mean a person loves or cares about you less. A ring being big or small doesn’t mean that, either. A person’s actions towards someone else and how they treat them is what really shows someone’s love for another person, not what they can buy.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an engagement/wedding ring. I just think this society puts more value to it than it needs to have and not enough value into what actually does matter.